The islamic marriage

Marriage in Islam is based on a contract between a man and woman intending to be unified in marriage.  Thus, as in any contract in Islam, there are elements which are considered essential to its existence, called 'pillars', as well as the possibility of stipulations of different kinds, legal effects of the contract, etc. Each of these must be understood correctly in order to ensure that the marriage has been performed according to the legal conditions and that the rightful effects of the marriage are guaranteed to each of the contracting parties.

The Pillars of a Marriage Contract According to the Majority of Scholars

1. Offer and acceptance are among the pillars. For most scholars, the offer must be from the woman's side and the acceptance from the man.
2. The two parties to the contract: the prospective husband and the guardian of the woman.

Some also count the following among the pillars, although the majority of these scholars

• The presence of witnesses.
• Dowry.

The Wording of the Contract

There are a variety of opinions as to exactly which phrases are valid in the transaction of the marriage contract. However, the best format is that actually used by the Prophet and his companions . Also, it is recommended that the contract be executed verbally.  However, due to need or necessity, it may be done through writing or signing.

Among the different possible phraseology, the very clear terms such as: "I marry you" is accepted by all scholars. Anything which indicates a temporary nature of the contract is forbidden.  There is some difference of opinion concerning the validity of other phrases such as: "I present to you", "I give to you", "I sell to you", etc.

Does it have to be in Arabic?

According to the majority of scholars, it is not necessary for the marriage contract to be executed in Arabic, even for those who have the ability to speak Arabic.  The scholars of the Hanbali school, who required the use of forms of the words Nikaah or Zawaaj (marriage), required that the contract be transacted in Arabic for this reason.

The Different Types of Conditions or Prerequisites

At this point, we need to learn the definition of some general terms in Islamic Fiqh (Jurisprudence), related to this issue, which come up in many subject areas, including the one at hand.

Saheeh (Sound): A contract which fulfils all of the pillars and the prerequisites, and has full effect in the law.

Baatil (Void): A contract that has failed to fulfil specific pillars or vital prerequisites. A contract which is Baatil is the opposite of one which is Saheeh and has no legal effect at all.  If a marriage contract is found to be void, even if it is only discovered after consummation, the legal condition will be as if it never happened at all. The lineage of the father (of a child produced in such a 'marriage') will not be established and there is no waiting period ('Iddah) upon the woman. An example of this would be if a man married a woman who was married to someone else at the time.

Faasid (Defective):  This is a contract which fails to fulfil some of the prerequisites, but not the pillars. 

With respect to marriage, there are four different kinds of conditions which must be met:

1. Conditions Required for Initiating the Contract

These are the conditions that must be present with respect to the pillars or fundamentals of the marriage contract.

2. Conditions Required for the Soundness of the Contract

These are conditions which must be fulfilled in order for the marriage to have its proper legal effect. If these conditions are not met, the contract is 'Defective' (Faasid), according to Hanafi Fiqh, and 'Void' (Baatil) according to the others.

3. Conditions Required for the Execution of the Contract  

These are conditions which must be met for the marriage to have actual practical effect. If these conditions are not met, then the marriage is 'Suspended' (Mawqoof) according to Hanafi and Maaliki Fiqh; for example, a minor girl until she reaches puberty.

4. Conditions Required for Making the Marriage Binding  

If these conditions are not met, then the marriage is non-binding, meaning that either of the two parties or others may have the right to annul the marriage. If they accept the marriage with such shortcomings, it becomes binding.

Prerequisites Required for Initiating the Contract

In this category, there are conditions concerning the two who are getting married, as well as the form in which the contract takes place.

Concerning the Two Getting Married:

The two people must meet the qualification of legal competence, i.e., they must be adult and sane.  If they are not, the marriage will be invalid.

Secondly, the woman cannot be from those categories of women that are forbidden for a man to marry. For example, suppose a man married a woman and later discovered that they had been breastfed by the same woman.  In this case, it is as if the marriage never took place because these two were not allowed to marry each other and the marriage becomes null and void.

Concerning the Contract:

There is near unanimous agreement on the following conditions relating to the transaction of the marriage contract:

1. The offer and acceptance must be done in one sitting.  In general, this means that the response must be immediate.  Exactly what is considered a 'sitting' depends on custom and other related factors.

2. The acceptance must correspond to what is being offered. If the guardian says:  "I marry you to Khadeejah", a response of: "I accept Faatimah as my wife" would not constitute a valid contract. An exception to this is if the Wali (guardian) mentions a specific dowry amount and the groom responds with a higher amount. It is regarded that there is no reason for dispute here since it is assumed that a higher dowry will be acceptable.

3. The Wali cannot rescind the offer. Unlike transactions of selling, neither party can say: "I have changed my mind" once they have uttered the offer/acceptance. It is immediately binding. In a sale, they both continue to have the option to change their mind until the 'sitting' is over and they part.

4. The marriage must be effective immediately.  If the Wali says 'I will marry her to you after one month', there is no marriage and the two remain unmarried.

Note that the custom of saying: 'I accept' three times, which is common in some Muslim cultures, has no legal significance.  Once the first 'I accept' has been uttered, everything after that is meaningless - whether positive or negative.

Adding Stipulations to the Marriage Contract

This is where one party states a stipulation binding on the other party for specific reasons or goals.  The offer/acceptance is tied to this stipulation by mention.   There is a difference of opinion among the scholars concerning the validity of conditions of this nature.

Conditions of contracts are two types: 

1) Those imposed directly by the Sharee'ah (Islamic Legislation) and

2) Those drawn up by one or more of the parties. 

When any contract is entered into, the first type of conditions are covered automatically, even if they are not stated in the contract.

The Ideal Muslim

His Attitude Towards God

One of the most distinguishing features of the Muslim is his deep faith in God and his conviction that whatever happens in the universe and whatever befalls him, only happens through the will and the decree of God.  The Muslim is closely connected to God, constantly remembers Him, puts his trust in Him and is obedient towards Him.

His faith is pure and clear, uncontaminated by any stain of ignorance, superstition or illusion.  His belief and worship are based upon the teachings of the Qur’an and the authentic Hadith.  He feels that he is in constant need of the help and support of God.  He also has no choice in his life but to submit to the will of God, worship Him, strive towards the Right Path and do good deeds.  This type of mentality will guide him to be righteous and upright in all his deeds, both in public and in private.

A Muslim also recognizes the signs of the unlimited power of God in the universe, and so his faith in God increases.  God says:

“Verily, in the creation of the heavens and the earth and (in) the difference of night and day are tokens (of His sovereignty) for men of understanding.  They remember God, standing, sitting, and reclining, and consider the creation of the heavens and the earth, (and say): Our Lord!  You did not create all of this in vain.  Far removed are You from every imperfection!  Preserve us from the punishment of the Hellfire.” (Quran 3:190-191)

His Attitude Towards His Self; Mind, Body and Soul

A Muslim pays due attention to his body’s physical need taking good care of it and promoting its good health and strength.  He does this by being active, not eating excessively.  Rather, he eats enough to maintain his health and energy because he understands that a strong believer is more loved by God than a weak believer.  The Prophet, may the mercy and blessings of God be upon him, said: “Indeed a strong believer is more beloved to God then a weak believer.  In the both of them are good virtues.”  God, the Almighty, says:

“Eat and drink; but be not wasteful, for God does not love the people who waste.” (Quran 7:31)

He also pays attention to his personal hygiene because the Prophet, placed great emphasis on it.  His appearance is always neat and clean.  His oral hygiene is also very clean because the Prophet encouraged the use of the siwak (tooth-stick from the Arak tree).  However, he does all of this in accordance with the Islamic ideal of moderation; avoiding the extremes of exaggeration and negligence.  God, the Exalted, says:

“Say: Who has forbidden the adornment of God which He has brought forth for His slaves, and the good things of His providing?  Say: Such, on the Day of Resurrection, will be only for those who believed during the life of the world.  Thus do We detail Our revelations for people who have knowledge.” (Quran 7:32)

In addition to taking care of his physical self, a Muslim also takes care of his mental self.  This is done by keeping away from drugs and stimulants.  He also does not forget to exercise regularly to maintain his physical fitness because there is a direct relationship between the physical health and mental health.  He also takes care of his mind by pursuing beneficial knowledge; religious and secular.  God says:

“And say: My Lord!  Increase me in knowledge.” (Quran 20:114)

A Muslim also pays as much attention to his spiritual development as to his physical and intellectual development.  He does so in a precisely balanced fashion which does not concentrate on one aspect to the detriment of others.  For this reason, the life of a Muslim revolves around the worship and remembrance of God; five daily prayers, fasting the month of Ramadan, etc.

His Attitude Towards People

With his parents, the Muslim is an example of sincere obedience and love.  He treats them with kindness and respect, infinite compassion, utter politeness and deep gratitude.  He recognizes their status and knows his duties towards them through God’s command.  God says:

“Worship God and do not ascribe any partner to Him and (show) kindness to the parents.” (Quran 4:36)

With his wife, the Muslim exemplifies good and kind treatment, intelligent handling, deep understanding of the nature and psychology of women, and proper fulfillment of his responsibilities and duties.

With his children, the Muslim is a parent who understands his great responsibility towards them.  He pays attention to anything that may influence their Islamic development and give them a proper education.  This is so that they may become active and constructive elements in the society, and be a source of goodness for their parents and community. 

With his relatives, the Muslim maintains the ties of kinship and knows his duties towards them.  He understands the high status given to relatives in Islam, which makes him keep in touch with them, no matter what the circumstances.

With his neighbors, the Muslim illustrates good treatment and consideration of others’ feelings and sensitivities.  He puts up with their mistreatment and turns a blind eye to his neighbor’s faults while taking care not to commit any such errors himself.

A Muslim’s relationship with his brothers and friends is the best and purest of relationships because it is based upon loving for the sake of God.  He is loving towards them and not cold-hearted.  He is loyal to them and does not betray them.  He is sincere and does not cheat them.  He is tolerant and forgiving.  He is also generous and supplicates for their happiness and well being.

In his social relationships with all people, the Muslim is well-mannered, civil, noble, and characterized by the attitudes which Islam encourages.  Some of these characteristics are: not being envious of others, fulfils his promises, modesty, patience, avoiding slanders and obscenities, not interfering in that which does not concern him, refraining from gossiping, and avoiding stirring up trouble.

These are the qualities and attitudes that every Muslim strives to make as part of their character and personality.  For this reason, a society that has residents with such characteristics is one that will enjoy true happiness and peace.

Why do Muslim women have to cover their heads"Hijab"?

So you're a non-Muslim and have no idea why the oddball hippie and/or possibly emo girls have started dressing like nuns. All right, we'll give you some credit. We know you don't live under a rock, so the minute you see a woman wandering in the shopping mall with a scarf covering her hair, you think: Muslim! (Or if you're easily persuaded by the media, you're probably thinking more along the lines of the T word which has more or less become our nickname since 9/11, although we assure you we have no more idea than you do about where bin Laden is currently hiding.)
Still feeling a bit weird, nervous, and of course awkward for even being in the same mall, let alone walking close to or talking to this covered lady, you discreetly observe her from a distance and watch her every move – you know, just to make sure she's pulling out your favorite brand of tissues out of her purse.
She comes your way and you try eavesdropping on anything and everything that comes out of her mouth. Surprisingly, the scarfed woman seems relatively sane and politely spoken. Hey, she isn't so bad after all!
Okay, so now we have established who Muslim women are: school-goers, stay-at-home mums, your child's kindergarten teacher, your neighbor's babysitter – basically, ordinary women! Yet the questions remain unanswered: why do these women conceal their bodies and hair? Isn't showing off our beauty and attracting others towards ourselves the norm? What about on hot days, don't these girls pass out when the sweltering heat accumulates all around their heads? Has anyone ever seen their hair? Oh no, how do they shower with that thing on?!

Literal Meaning of Hijab

The word Hijab literally means a curtain or veil and is best understood by exploring the Islamic concept of modesty. Muslim men and women are required to be modest while mingling with unrelated members of the opposite gender. The content of our speech, the way we communicate, the way we laugh and joke around, our behavior and social etiquette in general should all be transmitted to the other party in a way that attracts the least amount of the wrong form of attention. Additionally, we are required to "lower our gazes" and respect other men or women by not eying them from head to toe (i.e. checking them out). Similarly, the physical Hijab establishes healthy distances of physical contact (not even a handshake with the opposite gender!). Lastly, this modesty must also be manifested in the way we dress.
In order to appear modest, Muslim women are required by their faith to observe the most visible form of the Hijab in public – the headscarf to cover our hair and full-length clothing to conceal the shape of our bodies. Non-Muslims often ponder how it is possible and why a woman would ever voluntarily want to conceal what every other woman takes pride in revealing – her beauty. From a very long list, presented below are the most common reasons why Muslim women observe the Hijab.

To Please Our Creator

Muslims recognize God Almighty as the grand creator and supreme authority over the universe, and hence the religion He has sent – Islam – is a complete way of life for us. Accordingly, Divine law is followed at all times, and submitting to God's commandments is in itself a form of worship. After telling Muslim men to lower their gazes, the Holy Qur'an reminds women: "And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty: that they should not display their beauty and ornaments, except what (ordinarily) appear thereof." (24:31) In line with this Qur'anic verse, we do not display our beauty simply because it is the command of our Lord!

Taking a Stand against Female Exploitation

Since the beginning of time, women have always been exploited. Known for our gentleness, delicateness, and beauty, women are often used as mere objects to attract men or sell products and services. Unfortunately, today a woman's physical beauty is likened to a man's trophy, to be shown off to the whole world. In an interview with former rapper "Napoleon" from Tupac Shakur's band, the OutLawz, revert Mutah Beale said, "The music industry is where they really exploit and degrade women. We'd pay them a hundred bucks to strip for our music videos, and they'd do it!" Sadly, women have become well accustomed to this routine and also take pride in displaying their beauty. But what Muslim women realize is that our beauty is sacred and certainly not for any random man to gawk at for pleasure.

A Source of Protection

If there is any good in impressing random men with our beauty (intentionally or unintentionally), then surely we would all know about it. Despite all the technological advancements in 2010, our moral values continue to plummet. One in six girls in the United States is sexually assaulted by the time she is 18. According to the US Equal Employment Opportunity Commission, in 2007, over 12 thousand women were sexually harassed. This means at least one woman is sexually harassed in the workplace every 20 minutes. (It is noteworthy that the majority of incidents are not officially reported, and these statistics are probably grossly understated.) Of course, it is the men who are to be blamed for harassing women, yet the woman who fails to realize that dressing in a way which is so strikingly appealing (particularly when working in a male-dominated environment) is only asking for trouble is part of the problem as well. Regardless of where the blame lies, there is only one way by which a woman can guard herself against such evils, and that is why Hijabi women conceal their beauty in public as much as possible.

Preserving Our Beauty

Regardless of age or marital status, every female loves attention and being cared for. For most women, satisfying that need comes from compliments of others in private and public. Muslim women who conceal their physical points of attraction in public only seek that attention from their loved ones in private. The logic behind this practice is almost convincing enough to experiment.
Basically by covering up, we demand self-respect from the public, as we do not allow ourselves to be judged based on our beauty (or the lack thereof). On the other hand, our families provide us with the respect and honor we deserve as they realize that we are not letting strange men take a bite of our beauty by way of exposing ourselves, but rather, we are limiting the right to enjoy our beauty to our husbands. In addition, a Muslim woman's Hijab allows the husband the honor of having a wife who finds him worthy enough to preserve herself only for him. In return, he provides her with all that extra attention that every woman desires. This also satisfies the man's natural instinct of admiring a woman's beauty, and thus he has greater motivation to avoid "checking out" random women and to lower his gaze, as his wife doesn't allow herself to be ogled at and admired by other men either. Often labeled as "jealousy" by so-called Western "relationship experts", this kind of respect and preserving oneself solely for one's partner is actually the key to lifelong marital happiness and success.

To Be Judged for Our Worth, Not Our Appearance

Often labeled as oppressive, many fail to realize that the Hijab truly empowers every female with the ability to control how she is treated and respected in society, her safety, and who deserves to see her beauty, all while making a statement against female exploitation. A woman who observes the Hijab is freeing herself of society's immoral and disrespectful expectations of her. A female who conceals her beauty has granted herself the power to say to the world "You know what? Everything about me besides my beauty should matter to you." If wearing miniskirts, low-cut tops, head- turning heels, and layers of makeup in public is the expectation without which a woman in incapable of stepping outside her house, then we have two very different definitions of liberty and self-respect.
All human beings demand respect, and why should we women be treated as mere objects valued or devalued for our beauty or the lack thereof? Why should we let all random and strange men (whether we are friends with them or not) be the judges of our attractiveness? Shouldn't we preserve ourselves for only those who deserve us?
And that is why Muslim women observe the Hijab